Bloody Knuckles by: Billy Colston

I slam my fist into the wall for the fifth time,

Hoping that you hear me,

But you assume I have no guilt no shame,

And yet I stand here,

Knuckles bloody dripping down my arm as I hit the wall yet again.

My mind in shambles searching for the reason as to why I hate who I am so much,

Hate the person I've become and hate you for making me feel this way.

I wrap my hand in the cloth  that I had prepared and walk to my bathroom with head aimed down as if wanting to plunge into the depths of the fire that await.

I wince slightly as the hot water fills the wound and the blood rushes down in streams of red into my sink.

 I am starting to realize that I hate myself because I am afraid I will never be able to be a good enough child. 

The thought creeps in the back of my mind ripping to tear apart what's left of my soul, and then tear apart the souls closest to mine. 

What can I do to please you of all people?

 Someone who can not understand me and refuses to listen to anything I say!

 I'm cold now, all my hate and anger swallowed by an emptiness bigger than anything I could put inside it to plug the darkness.

 I wrap my bandage on my wound and lay in bed for hours at a time, hoping to fall asleep. 

In return I fall asleep and the nightmares haunt me and my dreams fight each other to wake me up crying in the night. Then the cycle repeats from there, and always will until I can find a better way to quelch the anger and frustration inside me.

Passing by: Billy Colston

As I watch you laying there,

I feel upset,

Tearing up at the eye seeing you in such pain and struggling to hold onto your life,

My mind is blank except for sadness,

Except for the unbearable pounding of my heart beating fast,

So fast you would think I was running a marathon,

But I imagine you know that now as you stare down at me from above,

I watch you as your breathing stops,

Your heart slows to a grinding halt,

And I know that you are gone,

Passing me in my marathon of life, and now you sit on the sideline giving me water as I pass and smiling at me as I continue,

Because you know that I miss you and wish for you to be well,

And now you are happy,

At peace on the sidelines in my life and will be forever alive in my heart,

And then I am happy because I know you won't have to suffer anymore and that you will be forever in paradise. 

Infected by: Billy Colston

Your lips are poison,

Burning my mouth as they touch my own,

Spreading a toxin greater than disease,

Causing me to fumble on my words and trip on my own feet,

Bringing me to smile and stare at you without words,

And yet you continue spreading the toxin more and more,

Infecting me to my core,

And you stand in seeming galore watching me fumble and tumble as you seem to play me along like a guitar,

And yet I can't stop, 

The toxin too addicting and too attracting for me to get enough,

Stuck between what the toxin has infected in my heart and what my will says to do,

But I can't run or hide,

Because I am too close and too far in and would just lose more,

So I let the toxin spread throughout my limbs,

Throughout the rest of my body,

In hopes that one day I might find a cure,

But the only cure for the toxin would be true love,

And true love is the rarest of all things to find.